And now for something completely different
I think it was Monty Python’s tag line… and I still roll on the floor lauging at the dead parrot skit and I know I have seen it a thousand times.
I am on a break, from listing so I decided to weed wack — is that a word? Some break huh? I try to make myself get outside and do something. It’s 98 in the shade here this time of year so you are not out there long before you are thankful for an indoor job. I was outside maybe 30 minutes …. and while I was outside —–
Maggie got a pack of bubble gum off the counter . How do I know this ? Well she was chewing - and had not been fed . I approached her and she swallowed. I opened her mouth and smelled COTTON Candy.. yes cotton candy bubble gum . She had breath so sweet the bees will swarm to her mouth.
Maggie is a master thief when it comes to food. She has managed in the last month to steal zucchini , yellow squash, tomatoes and apples from the fruit bowl . From the garden she ate green tomatoes off the vine, all my cucumbers and I have a sneak suspicion that my squash plants had allot more squash than I knew about. I guess she is a vegan.
Of our three dogs she has the cutest face, the most innocent look , the most pleasing wag of her tail. Behind the soft brown eyes is pure evil. Her nickname - Satan- or magpie because her mouth is always open.
She has been to the emergency vet more than once for some unknown substance and some known - these include Bread dough ( which by the way can kill your dog if it begins to rise in their belly) , A bar of soap - did not even make her burp , but gave her the most pleasant smelling breath and when she got ill It was ivory clean, an entire bottle of doggy pain pills - 4 hours on poison hot-line and half bottle of peroxide later she was well again with no harm but on suicide watch for a week. We are not careless we try and remember to put everything in what we deem Maggie free zones, We watch her and are often heard saying - Maggie get in here where I can watch you if we hear her skulking about another room. But like everyone we occasionally forget or have to use the bathroom or answer the doorbell and that’s all it takes.
For those of you who don’t think dogs think. I swear to you she plans out everything. She notes where the good stuff is, then waits for her opportunity. Go to bed at night and leave out a bag of chips, nuts anything and first thing in the morning when you are in foggy sleep she goes straight to where you left them. She has been lying in bed all night dreaming of them. She has waited until the morning when I fling open the bedroom door, stumble down the stairs and prepare their breakfast without even thinking.. and while I am preparing she is having an appetizer. Our other two dogs would never spend so much time in obtaining food. Only Magpie, who apparently has some form of OCD which causes her to obsess on those stolen goodies .
At the end of the day if she has not killed herself, had to go to vet’s or had to endure the peroxide treatment to make her throw up whatever she has eaten - I am happy . I am thrilled. I vow never to leave anything unattended again.
And I turn to her and say ‘ You need the dog whisperer” but of course I know it’s I who needs training. After all she’s just a dog she can’t possibly be plotting against us.